Heir To The Balcony: 2013? I Wish The Mayans Were Right

Folks I think it’s time to bring back this little masterpiece. Maybe not the best week for the

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movies being released, but what the hell let’s have some fun Statler and Waldorf style. 2012 was a fine year for movies and I must say my pre-release movie ratings were fairly accurate after viewing. Some I missed completely, but let’s face it who the hell reads these…my mother wouldn’t even read these. Oh well, let’s see what’s hitting the silver screen this weekend.

Gangster Squad

Let’s see what else could we call this flick? Ryan Gosling’s Abs, Josh Brolin’s Decline to Normalcy, or how bout Untouchables 2. Seriously watch out for the guy who’s new to the group that may seem a little shady. He just might be playing for the other team. Just sayin. Ooo ooo ooo also look for the amazing action montage taking down all the side businesses, should be fun. Also Gosling please do me a favor and take your shirt off as much as possible, maybe not Taylor Lautner status, but enough to get the females riled up enough to where foreplay isn’t even necessary. Honestly though the move looks like fun and I love Emma Stone. She’s amazing and is sneaking into my top 5 for being my real life Patty Mayonnaise. 3.5/5 Bork’s. Bork Bork Bork Bor…

 

Zero Dark Thirty

Drink of choice to go with this film would have to be a PBR, Budweiser, or straight whiskey…just whatever those hicks drink while cleaning their guns. Only other title for this film is ‘Amurica: The Elmer Fudd Story’. I’m not saying killing Bin Laden is like killing Bugs Bunny, but let’s face it that nose twitchin’ fur ball had it coming (Bugs or Laden, whoever that description fits best in your mind). I only want this movie to end one way and it is this. Just thought of a different title for this, ‘Team America 2′. Just don’t expect a puppet being f@!#$%, unless of course you count the numerous people that go and watch this. Nailed it *self high five awarded*. 0/5 Borks.