If you’re anything like me, God help you. But if you are anything like me you’ve spent years alone in your room, crying over countless love letters written to ex-girlfriends who have long since forgotten you exist. In a lonely, vulnerable state, you accepted the Mayan prophecy as truth. You reached a pale arm into the hall closet you’ve stuffed full of psychopathic ramblings, slapped some postage on the first wad of paper you found, and before you can spell regret– disaster strikes. And not the natural kind. In fact, that’s the problem. We’re all still here, damn it. The love of your life now knows, without a doubt, that you are the creeper she thought you might be. And the world didn’t even end.
She can’t un-read what’s been read, but if you’re hurting, here are some steps you can take:
• Panic. It’s a natural response. Seems like a huge mistake now, doesn’t it? But the message has been sent. Don’t deny your feelings. Realize, though, that you finally said something you mean to a person who still means a lot to you. Speculating possible outcomes will do you no good. At this point, all you can do is..
• Accept what you’ve done. Give yourself some credit. Some people spend a lifetime trying to say ‘I love you.’ You’ve written it many, many, many times, and you’ve finally shared it. Well done!
• Don’t dwell on it. After all, dwelling on feelings is what got you here in the first place. You’re allowed to be scared, angry, upset, but you can’t fixate. If you’re having trouble with this one, be a real man. Pick up the bottle and drink the pain away. If you stick with it long enough, you’ll never feel again!
• Talk with her about it. Here’s your chance to be completely honest. If she files for a restraining order, at least you’ve found closure. You don’t know how this will go until you do it. She might even feel sorry enough to give you a hug. Then, my friend, the cycle begins again.
• Move on. Your heart was made to be broken. Pick up the pieces, glue the fuckin’ things back together, and throw the patchwork organ at the next beautiful girl you see. If you can wipe your eyes long enough, you might find someone that actually likes you. Chances are high that she’s barely holding herself together and you’ll be two peas in a very isolated, lonely pod! When this one ends..
• Write another love letter. You were going to anyway, and if you followed my advice you’ve certainly earned your lonesome.