Nerd Loot Of The Week

Yes I do need to know how to ride an elephant.

To kick off this weekly segment I could look no further than this item up for grabs now from Harper Collins Publishers titled ‘How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written’. If you haven’t seen Archer (which is ludicrous to say the least) then you’ve probably at least seen the promos for it and if you’ve seen the promos then WTF are you doing with your life!? Especially if you listen to our show then it makes no sense. That being said I will be purchasing this book right away and girls, if you’re reading this and need a Valentine’s Day idea, look no further…just make sure to add some sexual favors with it. Really completes the gift. Hit the jump to read the back cover description.

Book Description

 Hi. I see you’re reading the back of my book. This tells me that you either:

A) are hoping to find a brief summary of what to expect from a how-to book by Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, or B) don’t know how books work.

If your answer was “A,” your best bet is probably the table of contents, which is where you’ll find the “contents” of this book listed in a convenient, easy-to-read “table” format. So maybe go check that out for a minute and then come back here. I’ll wait. . . .

Pretty cool, right? What other book will teach you how to dress properly and how to drive an elephant? How to field strip an AK-47 and how to haggle with a Thai prostitute—in her native tongue? How to pilot an airboat and how to make about a million delicious cocktails, including a Molotov one? How to kill a guy and how to prepare a fabulous brunch? Plus how to do tons of other stuff that I forgot, but that is nonetheless probably in this book (which, to be honest, I really only kinda skimmed).

So if you want to learn more about how to be more—or at all—like Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, quit smearing your greasy fingerprints all over this book and buy it. For one thing, I really need the royalties. For another thing, the last time I checked, this wasn’t a damn library.

(Note: If your answer was “B,” this probably isn’t the book you want to start with.)